It is 10 years since my wife’s diagnosis. (Detailed here in one of my first, very amateur, blog posts (https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/40). And the year 2016 seems to be tied into so many aspects of how my life (our lives!) changed. Looking back the world both in general and the small part of it we live in seem so, so different to today. An alien time.
And as a lover of history and the past, I understand the passage of time and the changes it brings, but there does feel something pivotal about the year 2016. So many things shifted in those 12 months, that almost an existential movement happened. We dealt with the evolving serious nature of my wife’s condition, all the while backdropped by major events on the world stage.
The year had started in shock. I can remember the surprise release of David Bowies Blackstar album in the January. It was, and still is, a work of such staggering genius, and when the news came days later that he had passed away, I was moved to tears. Of course, it transpired he died of cancer.
At the same time we were desperately trying to find out what was wrong with my wife. She was having keyhole surgery to do tests that would eventually lead to her getting Deep Vein Thrombosis and be put on blood thinners for what seems like an age. That was the first time we had a sharps box in our house, as she was having to inject herself daily in the stomach.
I took her to the hospital after our heroic GP had managed to refer her, thankfully quickly realising what was wrong, and also thankfully knowing a great specialist. My wife would be staying awhile as she was hooked up to a drip to deal with the DVT. We arrived in driving rain. There must have been a religious connection to the building at some point, as the first thing I saw in the car park was a statue of the Virgin Mary, arms outstretched to welcome the sick and ill. It felt then, and still seems now, like the start to some obscure horror movie you might find on Channel 4 at the weekend.
Then in April the world lost Prince. Another staggering genius. We had seen him live when he held his O2 residency in 2007. It was one of the greatest gigs I have ever seen. My wife then managed to go a second time as her company at the time sponsored a box. She took my brother in law, they went to the after party and got home extremely late, and highly refreshed shall we say. The birthday party for our daughter at a soft play the next day was not enjoyed by my wife at all!
A few weeks after Prince passing, I can vividly recall returning from voting in the Brexit referendum, in what I recall was a sunny day. I then spent the rest of the day driving my wife to the hospital for more exploratory work. She, yet again, stayed in over night, and I recall getting the Brexit results whilst waiting for her surgery anaesthetic to wear off. That wasn’t the greatest of mornings.
And of course from a political perspective, not too many months after, there was the triumph of Trump in the US Presidential election, both events kicking off the swing to a more right wing style in both UK and US politics. I also feel both sides (all sides?) of the political discourse now have a meaner edge to them. Prepared to play the man and not the ball in football terms. It did feel that 2016 was the year politics changed, at least for the average man on the street. An emboldening of the protest vote, and a emboldening of the feeling that people had a license to say anything, no matter how offensive.
Better commentators than me have opined on the impact of Brexit and Trump, but looking back, neither have really been good for my family. The end of free movement in Europe will impact my children and their ambitions to perhaps live abroad at some point, while we have no immediate plans to visit the USA any time soon with the seeming level of unrest there. I dont want to be stuck in the 4 hour long queues at the airports, and that’s even if we could get travel insurance for my wife to travel (we can’t – she has checked). My daughter had been lucky enough to visit Disney World on a few occasions, while my son just missed out due to my wife’s illness curtailing travel for us as a family. For us as a family, the world is a smaller place, despite our attempts to visit places close by to the UK.
Sporting wise, Leicester City won the Premier League – a feat that was apparently 5000 to 1 before the start of the season. Just goes to show that the whole world was being thrown of its axis. And coincidently they have just been relegated to League One this week. The less said about my team Manchester United the better, though things do seem to be looking up now (damn, did I just say that out loud?).
And then to bring things back to the real topic of my blog (My Wife Has Cancer remember?), the day after my wife’s diagnosis, when we had sat in a cold dingy hospital room, surrounded by nurses and an uncaring doctor, I had to tell my work that I couldn’t take the promotion they wanted me to do. I was being lined up to cover my current job and take on managing a new team at the same time. Literally the morning after that horror of sitting in a room, sweating dripping down my back as I tried to will the doctor not to say the word ‘cancer’, my managers manager grabbed me to tell me the idea, and I had to explain why not. Felt like a real sliding doors moment.
And now, ten years later, I am being made redundant from that very same company (https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/929), with the overriding feeling that I have never really got back the level of respect and trust I lost that day in 2016. Despite putting in the work and being diligent, I have had to sacrifice work for the sake of being a carer. After all, family should come first. I do have to give the health insurance credit though, as that has saved my wife on more than one occasion. That and the flexible working options. There have been many times when I have worked late after hospital appointments, or even from hospital waiting rooms.
10 years feels a really long time in some ways yet in others not. A lost decade to cancer. Everything we do now is viewed through the lense of the disease my wife was diagnosed with in that small, windowless hospital room. Every decision, every action has to be taken with that disease in mind. Compared to those seemingly care free days at the start of 2016, our lives have now been captured and taken control of by cancer.
But I’m determined for that not to be the case any more. I have plans for a new job, and to try and turn our life around to not be beholden to cancer. It will be tough. The disease is always there, but with the good place my wife is currently (https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/1008), I am hopeful.
Thanks
Thanks for reading, and if you like it, even a little, maybe consider buying me a coffee. Or beer. I wont judge. Also please go back and take a look at some of my earlier posts, where you can see the full history of My Wife Has Cancer, from origin story onwards.
