It’s been a while since I have written here. No, denying, covid lockdown has been tough. And long, so very long.
But now, both my wife and I had the jab. Astra Zeneca if you must know. I had what felt like flu for a day and my wife was a little worse, but that was to be expected with no spleen. So far no long term side effects, but the radio does buzz when I pass by. Waiting for my instructions from Bill Gates though.
But mentally things are still hard. My wife still can’t drive and that is doing her head in, extreme depression from the awful situation has kicked in. This is how life will be, her feeling nauseous and tired every evening.
The latest results show some progression in tumour growth, and will probably mean treatment by the end of May. We are not looking forward to that.
Sometimes I wish the scans were more conclusive, rather than this delaying all the time, wait a month we will do more scans, maybe treatment in a few weeks. Some one said it is the waiting that is the hardest for carers, and I agree. I feel we can’t move on with our lives with this hanging over us, five years of intense pressure while our world is on hold. It feels bad to say but I sometimes wish it had ended a few years ago.
The children are feeling it too. My son is very clingy, and knows she isn’t well. He is waking in the night, and that doesn’t help us.
End of lockdown should be a joyous time for people as we can see loved ones, but for us it will be a return to the awful reality that has been hidden and obscured by covid.