Its been a strange couple of weeks. My wife has been recovering from her DVT, and it has taken alot out of her. She has lost quite a bit of weight, and is really wasting away. Muscle tone and strength are non longer there.
Her limbs look like skin hanging off bone, and you can see the bones sticking out of her back. It hurts her to sit down, there is nothing there, no padding. I worry she wont have the strength to fight anything that may come along. We are trying to feed her up, however she is still struggling with food, and eats like a small bird. A meal may work one day, and then make her ill the next. So hard to second guess and keep her healthy.
My mother in law wants us to talk to someone, and my wife has approached a nutritionist, but wont talk to the doctor or a hospice. I cant go behind her back, so am a bit stuck. We know what she needs, but when the food wont stay down, it is really hard for her to get the strength back.
On top of that, we then had the big news. An article in the Daily Mail, a national UK paper.
We had known of a campaign in the national press regarding the asbestos angle, and when our lawyer approached us we agreed that it was right for my wife to do it. One of our aims has been to raise awareness of her disease. Whilst it is probably too late for her, it would be amazing to help save someone else.
So she had a long interview, and then the photo was taken in a session last week. The article is pretty much spot on, maybe one or two facts wrong, but not enough to change it. The headline is the usual tabloid sensationalist rubbish however.
We have had a few people comment that they never realised, which is frustrating that despite our best efforts people still dont know what caused her cancer. Even now we see and hear of people using talcum powder, with no knowledge of the issues we have suffered.
How am I feeling about it all? I struggle to keep on top of things, but think the article is useful for getting the story out. People need awareness, and if we can help one person, then even if it is too late for my wife, that is good.
The last few weeks with the DVT has been really tough, watching her waste away. Her muscle loss means that going out is hard, and she gets really tired. Our son caught Covid as well, so that was another stress. Work as well has been hard, but as ever I paint a face on and get on with things. I have lost interest in alot of my hobbies, but am forcing myself to do things, try and kick start the brain.
These days are like a day to day existence, struggling through to the evening, and then hoping nothing bad happens at night. I react to things, filling the role of both parents, whilst also being a carer for my wife. She keeps planning things for the future, but in my head I know that it is unlikely she can make them unless we see a major upturn in her health. Scans show small amounts of growth of tumours, but the bigger worry has to be loss of weight and muscle tone.
Some times I check on her, and she is lying on her back, mouth open, barely moving, and the thinness in her face can make her look like she has passed. I have to check her breathing to be sure. That is no way to be looking in on your wife, to ensure that she hasnt stopped breathing in the time you have been out of the room. I feel that is a very real possibility right now though.
On a good note, our daughter did the Cancer Research Shine night walk, and raised over £1000 for the charity, something to be really proud of.
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