A quick conversation with my wife brought forward some concerns today. She told me she is really lonely, and basically said I dont do anything with her. She said I dont talk to her, dont sit with her and so on.Mentally she says she is feeling better and wants to make the most of that, even if her body wont let her.
She wants us to try and get our relationship back on track. And I agreed, and am trying to think of ways to do that. But i am realising that I dont think it is possible. I’m not sure we have anything in common any more, apart from our children and living together. I want to be out doing things, but we cant do that together.
I struggle with the TV being on all the time, so am probably spending more time in other rooms not in front of the latest inane game show. I get frustrated with her hearing loss, and the requests to repeat what I said. I get frustrated with the feeling that whenever I say I am down, or under the weather, she will always trump it. Bad day at work – the response will be ‘at least you can go to work’. Frustrated on the roads – ‘at least you can drive, imagine what it is like not to be able to’. And i understand all of these things, which makes my anxiety and depression worse.
At times, all I want is some human interaction – a hug, someone to hold me when I feel down. But I worry that trying that with my wife will hurt her. The physical attraction has gone with the destruction of her body. The chances of any kind of sexual relationship has long gone.
And so I am now wondering what we can find to try and fix our relationship. How do we have quality time together when we cant go out on a date, or have a romantic meal, or even go for a walk? I just dont know.
We are now drifting along, barely talking, just existing in the same house. At times, even the very fact I am sleeping in the bed next to her means that she is disturbed, so I sleep in a separate room on occasion. How can a relationship come back from everything we have been through? What tricks can we do to salvage our love?
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