Another stressful week or so in our lives. But first some good news, and the frustrations we have building. My daughter has been offered a place at Cambridge University to study / read engineering. How she has been able to get the grades and keep her focus on the back of everything is amazing. Hard work still to come though.
So onto the frustrations. We seem to have some good news, and then some bad will be just around the corner. Like the universe wont allow us to celebrate good things without throwing it back at us.
We had a great summer last year, before my wife was hit with a DVT in her leg. She recovered from that, and we had a good start to the school year, and my daughters 18th birthday, before our lounge ceiling collapsed. We then had a great Christmas, before having the gas cut off due to a leak during the coldest week of January.
So was did the universe decide would be our karmic retribution this time round?
We had to go into London for my wifes meeting with her cardiologist. She hasnt seen him for a while, so was hoping he would cut down the tablets. It was a long trip, so I went to help her – it would be doubtful she could make the walk from station concourse to taxi if necessary. The tests went by quicker than expected, and we even managed to grab lunch together, which made a real change.
Then the consultant was running late, before giving us the news. He had seen something on her heart x ray, what appeared to be a clot on her left ventricle. He even showed us video of it flapping about. Bugger.
So after the weekend we were able to go get a heart MRI. The appointment was at 7.30 in the morning, in Fulham. It meant an early start, leaving the children to get to school on their own. Luckily we made it in time, to what felt like a deserted hospital.
The MRI took nearly 2 hours all in, and my wife had to lie really still for that time. This was a struggle with her back and the lack of movement did hurt her. She also had to have contrast, which meant her kidneys were in pain later on.
When finally she was out, she looked like she had been through the wringer. Not happy, and shuffling along. We got straight in the car and on the road to get home, where she headed in to the shower before crashing on the bed.
The results came a day later, in a rather chaotic meeting. Whilst being very stressed, the regular doctor was away, and his stand in hadnt read the notes properly, so was trying to catch up the whole time. It was embarrassing, if it hadnt been so serious for my wife. They had seen that the left ventricle was not a clot, but they did see a clot on the right pulminary, so will have to change her tablets to deal with it.
Thankfully the silver lining was that there was no rush to go into hospital so we await for her next prescription to arrive. No urgency seems to be good news. She is feeling tired, and a little breathless at times, but that isnt any different to normal.
She is worried, obviously, as am I. I feel very down about the situation right now, after some time of being positive. It is hard to be motivated when things seem to go wrong so soon. It feels like a very tough time again, and that we are on a downward slope.
My wife looks very frail. She is still losing weight, despite trying to eat, but her limbs look very thin, contrasting her slightly bloated stomach. She doesnt get out very much, and is finding things hard to deal with. Also having to rush to the toilet to be sick isnt fun.
I’m not sure how to end here. I’m feeling very unsure about the future right now. My wife wants to plan summer holidays, while I now she cant walk more than a few hundred yards unaided. I feel that our future is being boxed in, and that we are being trapped (caged as I said before https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/851). It is very easy to fall into depression after facing 8 years of the stress and worry, along with numerous hospital visits. Hopefully things will pick up in the near future, even if the long term future is not rosy.
Current weight – 110.9KG
Matthew Green – Shadowlands – about lost places in Britain, either villages that fell off cliffs or were abandoned and so on. Very interesting.
New music listened to:
- Ash – Race The Night
- Captain Beefheart – Safe As Milk
- The Cult – Under the Midnight Sun
- Shed Seven – A Matter of Time
- Bill Ryder Jones – Iechyd Da
- BC Camplight – The Last Rotation of Earth
- Black Grape – Orange Head
- Kula Shaker – Natural Magick (not listened to their new music since the 90s, and was pleasently taken aback. Great tunes)
- The Last Dinner Party – Prelude to Ecstasy (Baroque pop? Could be a number one album, and deserves it)
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