Mothers Day croissants, a walk, but then more worry

It was Mothers Day here in the UK on Sunday, and so we tried to spoil my wife. We had presents, cards, flowers, and planned to go out for a walk in the country and then a meal in the evening.

However, plans are never straight forward in our house. The morning went well, and we had croissants of which my wife ate two – a big change from recent months. But the weather took a turn for the worse, and started raining quite heavily. When we finally did get out, the rain held off, so we could go for a walk at the local National Trust property. However, very soon it became apparent that my wife was struggling to walk very far. She managed a few hundred yards, before having to stop and bend over to ease whatever pain was hitting. We turned back.

The next stage of the plan was to have lunch in the small café there. They do light meals and sandwiches, cakes, that sort of thing, just a snack for the meal. My wife had a jacket potato with cheese, which came with a small side salad and coleslaw, nothing too fancy. She managed the child’s size as it was, and a mouthful of the coleslaw, something she doesn’t normally eat. Nothing too strange there. We had a lovely time, chatting despite the rain still hammering down outside.

After we got home, my daughter and I waited for a time to be able to go for a longer run. I have mentioned elsewhere that we have signed up for the Cancer Research Shine night-time marathon, and so need plenty of practice before September. We managed it, but did get very wet whilst out.

The evening we had booked a table at a small Nepalese restaurant near us to celebrate. The food isn’t too spicy for my wife, and it is one of her favourites, so is the perfect place to go. We can park nearby, and everyone enjoys the meal usually. I noticed throughout though that my wife was very quiet, and not engaging with us. She managed to eat a little, but not too much. This normally means she feels sick, but she didn’t make to go straight to the bathroom thankfully. We still made a sharp exit, as it was obvious something wasn’t right. The moment we got home, she pointed at her stomach, which was very stretched and swollen, a fact I hadn’t noticed under her jacket. She went straight to bed, while I sorted a hot water bottle and drinks. It must have been a reaction to the small serving of coleslaw.

It is frightening how such an innocuous thing can have such a big impact. We can try to take very precaution, and then get struck down. The rest of the evening she slept intermittently, and thankfully her stomach has gone down.

This reaction is a little worrying. My wife is very keen to plan ahead, and have things in the diary to look forward to, talking about summer holidays. However, I see yesterday, and her struggling with walking a short distance in the UK, and then having that food reaction, and I get concerned around trying to fly anywhere, with cramped seats, and then being somewhere hotter than the UK in March. We have managed the last couple of years, but her health is getting more fragile now. I would hate to be somewhere we cannot get access to the right treatment and care if she needed it (not doubting hospitals anywhere, but we would need to have access to her specialist). I don’t know how to say we should wait until she is stronger without her protesting that she needs the time to look forward to. But I really don’t see how she can travel anywhere that isn’t to her mums house. She can’t even make the trip to my parents which is only three hours by car, she struggles even if we had stops to get out. Siting in a chair for that length of time hurts her stomach too much.

This was made doubly concerning today when she phoned me to say she had had a ten minute bout of vertigo, having to cling to the walls to get to the sofa. She said she had been doing a lot of things, but this is something very new, and something we need to keep aware of. I have always been aware that her cancer is spreading, and am worried where it may head to next, and the main organs and brain have been big topics of concern. I’m slightly panicking now that we may see more of this. As I have previously said ( I have had thoughts about leaving her on her own during the day. I was moving away from that thought, but am giving it serious consideration again now.

On a better note, a friend who is a trained nutritionist has been cooking some freezer meals for her, with the correct portions and contents. We were not able to do this ourselves on top of everything else, and hopefully this will help get the balance right. She hasn’t put any weight on yet, but fingers crossed it is just a matter of time.

My mind is messed up trying to process much of this again. Sometimes I feel we are making progress, and hopefully back on track to her regaining her health. Other times she has an incident like today, and despite protesting and making excuses, I can tell she is suffering. There is little I can do except ease things for her, and try to make her comfortable. I sleep in the spare room so she can get a good nights sleep, and try to ensure she has drinks and the right tablets, and hot water bottles when needed. Just typing this out makes me realise how far along this journey we are, and how serious things really are, and that is aside from looking at the wastage in her body.

I dread what is coming, despite having had so long to mentally prepare. We sometimes are a little blase about small symptoms, and I truely hope this latest stage isnt something we should pay more attention to.

One sad thing to mention is the passing of Karl Wallinger from World Party and formerly the Waterboys. A great talent has been lost.

Keeping Track

Current weight – 110.7KG (hopefully the walking practice will bring this down)

Books finished – nothing new

New music listened to:

  • Uranium Club – Infants Under The Bulb – very early B52s like – highly recommended


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