Yes, I know another U2 reference! I did see them play The Joshua Tree a few years ago with my wife in London, and an excellent gig it was. Bullet the blue sky, and Running to stand still particular highlights. Would love to see them again. One of my wifes favourites as well.
The title was something I touched on in my last post, and it got me thinking, especially when I saw the following picture being shared on line.
In our lives here, we are spending alot of energy but I feel we are not getting anywhere. We are trying to survive, trying to get through each day. There isnt any progress into anything new, and no fresh ground is being broken.
I see this especially when seeing what other people are up to, both friends and otherwise. A new job, work done on the house, exciting trips booked. I know that comparison is the thief of joy, but it is very hard not to compare to other people.
In some ways, I miss the pandemic lockdown of a few years ago. We were a vulnerable household, and so were scared of the possibility of Covid. But we kept safe, and managed to avoid the disease. And with us and everyone being trapped in our houses, everyone was experiencing life as we were. No one was going anywhere, no trips being made, and so the world felt fair again.
I guess the lockdown was a leveller, and meant friends and family experienced to a small extent the same life as my wife has, trapped and not able to go anywhere. The kicker came when lockdown was over, because the vulnerable people were still kept inside, and even when restrictions were lifted, my wife was nervous about going out. So again, we saw the unfairness of life as it felt like everyone else was out enjoying their freedom.
The effort of trying to keep us in place is extremely tiring. I can look back five, six years and I feel fatigued, so can only guess from watching her how my wife feels. When you have to fight just to preserve what you have (and even failing at that at times), it does wear you out.
We try to maintain a life for the children, which entails making sure they are in the right place. And so the added pressure of their lives, especially when only I can drive, takes hold. Shielding them from things is also tiring.
Sometimes the possibility of a break would be great, however when stuck in the moment it can be very hard to see a way through to that break. We focus on the now, and trying to survive, and do not have the energy left to start living.
Today is the funeral of my sisters boyfriend who committed suicide, and so I would urge you to talk to someone if you have feelings like that. The impact of that act has been devastating, and happens far too often.
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