After the mixed results last week following the scans, we settled in for the weekend. My wife had managed a fair amount of things during the week, and we then went out for dinner on Friday to meet some friends. That was very pleasant, and great to catch up.
Saturday was a morning of watching our son play school sports, before my wife was picked up by another friend to meet with the girls. She couldn’t eat a great deal though, the result of the tumours restricting the expansion of her stomach. The way this symptom was described to me was to imagine your stomach is like an inflatable water bottle. When you fill them up, they will expand to allow the liquid in. However, in her case, the expanding bottle has a hard case surrounding it, and this stops the bottle from reaching the full potential. Little and often is the only option. Couple this with her lack of ability to digest certain foods, and some restaurants can be out of the question. Anything spicy doesnt work.
The upshot of all these activities was that she was asleep by early evening on Sat, and then spent most of Sunday in or on the bed. She didn’t even get dressed. Partly due to a pain in the leg (some form of cramp we hope), but mainly the sheer exhaustion. I have discussed this on previous blogs. It can be amazing how the normal exertion we do can wear her out. The seemingly shortest walk or cooking a meal will have her done in.
This morning though was a scheduled trip to the doctors for a vitamin B12 injection, which hopefully will help combat this. Being low on B12 can lead to tiredness, and unfortunately her being vegetarian as well means that she doesnt always get the right amount. I understand cancer doesnt necessarily lead to a deficiency, but when taken in tandem they can be have an impact.
I have put a link here to a good article about the links between cancer and B12, and the importance of it:
https://seormc.org/the-importance-of-b-12-for-cancer-patients/
So far though, no noticable effect. Dont you wish that some medicine had a quicker positive impact sometimes? I do miss the days in our house when you fixed a headache with a tablet, or a stomach ache could be slept away. Now we have to deal with degrees of illness. Is the stomach ache worse or better than before? Is that pain in your leg caused by sitting in a car for a long time, or is there something more sinister?
Other concerns I have are my sons mental health. He is happy in his new school, though misses friends from his old one, but does seem to sit doom scrolling on his phone, waiting for messages from the watsapp group. He picks up on things easily, and so his mum sleeping a great deal makes him feel down, and tired. He has slept in our bed with her for a couple of weeks. It makes him happy, and he doesnt disturb her in her sleep like I do apparently!
My mental health is still hovering around the lower levels. I suspect that wont change for a long time. I am starting to use some coping strategies, and am planning on detailing a few in the coming weeks. My wife has got full into yoga and healing crystals, but I havent yet resorted to them!
Whilst the results did show a small deterioration last week, and the specialist said no need right now for treatment, I do have concerns over her health. There seem to be many more small niggles, aches and pains. I wonder at times if she is keeping things from us. I know she doesnt want any more treatment this side of Christmas, but not being in the meeting with her specialist, I only have her word for how sensible that is. On the other though, the treatment was hellish, so I fully understand her position.
Ultimately she is sat between a rock and a hard place. Her life right now is very restricted and frustrating. Her ability to do the things she used to gets less and less every week. But again, the other option is horrendous as well. Hobsons choice I believe is the saying.
As ever, please follow my blog. Seeing readers does help keep my spirits up. I do this anonymously as I dont like attention, but I am real, and use this as an outlet for my thoughts, both factual and then deeper depressing ones! At this point I feel we are in a deep hole, and the escape ladder is being pulled away from us. I’m not sure how we are going to get out at this stage, so having the ability to write down what is happening helps.
And if you feel you have gained something, please click the link for my BuyMeACoffee site – I am running pretty much on caffeine and gin these days, so have a habit to maintain.