This year seems to have started off quite well. My wife’s regular calcium checks have gone OK so far, and she is seeming much healthier. As I mentioned last time (https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/996) she isn’t doing any treatment either.
And so, she has become like a woman reborn. A few major milestones have been broken, and she is attempting much more. Last year she was struggling with walking, and wasn’t getting out very much. But through shear determination, she is pushing herself to get out, daily walking more and more. The strength is slowly returning, and those screaming muscles seem to be responding.
Then, last weekend, we held a dinner party for 10!. And she cooked tapas, was on her feet all day, yet was still up and chatting at midnight. This was a massive step, something we used to do a lot of when we were able before, and she was so pleased with being able to do it.
The final major achievement was her being able to go horse riding on Sunday. Local to us is an holistic stables, which caters for riders who have been through an injury, or have other disabilities. The owner paired her with a gentle horse, and they managed to ride for nearly 30 mins around the arena they have at the stables. Now, my wife feels a massive affinity with animals, and wants to try reiki and so on, and was doing this on the horse. The two of them got on like a house on fire, and my wife came home looking so happy at the end of it. New hobby unlocked!
Horse riding was a dream of hers when we first moved to the country from London suburbia (alright – it is Surrey, but there are more fields than Dulwich). It then never really happened – we moved when we were expecting our first child, then we focused on the two kids, and her dream fell away. Then obviously cancer decided to put in an appearance, and destroyed pretty much all of her dreams.
But now, after ten years, she has decided to try and achieve those dreams. There seems to be something about facing down death that brings a new emphasis on life. A determination to get the most out of the day, seize the opportunities and get what you want out of life. After all, you only live once. And there is always a clip isn’t there?
We can learn an awful lot from that attitude. I wish I could. Not to be a Danny Downer, I am still not happy with things, and yet cannot seem to turn my head around. I have found the last 10 years mentally really tough, and I think have been so prepared for the worst to happen, that it is hard when things don’t turn out that way. That isn’t to say I wanted the worst to happen, but I have for so long wanted the end of this horror to come, that I find it hard to adapt and make the most of life.
So I need to adapt. I need to accept the life we have now, and enjoy what we have, and the time we have together. I also need to follow my dreams like my wife, and come out of the hardship stronger. Now, my dreams don’t involve horse riding, but I do have a massive career crossroads ahead of me. I am being made redundant, a process that has taken nearly a year so far, and will take a few months more to complete (https://mywifehascancer.blog/archives/929). I’m not sure what I will do next, I am talking to recruiters, but it will be a big shock after nearly 20 years with one company.
I am also pushing on with the writing, that I have tried on and off for years. Like my wife’s walking, consistency is key. I’ll start linking some on here soon. So big changes to come this year.
It feels odd to be writing one of these blog posts and be on a bit of a high. We are so used to the outlook being bleak, that it makes it seem strange when things are not. Don’t get me wrong, we are not talking about a cure here, but we are talking about my wife’s cancer being less aggressive, and her body fighting it better right now. All we can hope is that that goes on for as long as possible.
Thanks
Thanks for reading, and if you like it, even a little, maybe consider buying me a coffee. Or beer. I wont judge. Also please go back and take a look at some of my earlier posts, where you can see the full history My Wife Has Cancer, from origin story onwards.
